Session Two – Healer needs healing

We have the same cast as before:

  • Rhogar Norixius (me) – Dragonborn draconic sorceror who doesn’t realize that he’s magic because he assumes that all of his dragon blood abilities come from his dragon blood instead
  • Verbrork Cliffgaze (Cliff) – Human draconic sorceror whose dad sticking his dick in a dragon. Apparently during the long rest last session he got drunk and made a pact with Cthulhu that he doesn’t remember, for a warlock level
  • Kithri Underbough – The female halfling rogue
  • Shadow Halfman – The male halfling rogue
  • Levin Bandageweaver – Half-elf nature cleric who is our only source of healing. His player was out because of a kidney stone, so the DM took him over, rolling a d4 to see whether he would heal or attack
  • Asmund – A half-elf fighter, pretty boring but he can take a hit and gets the most kills

We started where the last session left off, at the entrance of the goblin cave. We followed a stream in, found a side path, and decided to go that way because we figured we would hit less resistance. Many hijinks were had trying to the cleric up the slope because he had a negative dex modifier, but we eventually made it. Following that side path, we found a human fighter chained to a wall and six sleeping goblins (because we attacked at sparrowfart.) Some of the goblins woke up, but we managed to mow them all down in a single round. We freed the fighter, Sildar Hallwinter, who led us to our mutual employer at the other end of the cave.

There we found Gundren being held by three goblins, opposite a bugbear, a human wizard, and some kind of spider-xenomorph thing I believe was an Ankheg. I opened up with an ice knife on the bugbear and managed to deal about half of its health in one shot, the ankheg burrowed underground, the wizard took me down to half health with a magic missile, and everyone else fought the goblins. Next round autopilot Levin healed me, I managed to hit the wizard with a Firebolt, everyone else managed to take down the bugbear, and the ankheg managed to perma-kill Levin with 31 points of damage in one hit. I was suspicious, because I figured he had to have at least 16 health, and because something that can deal 31 points on a non-critical should be way above the challenge rating of a level two party, but that was the ruling. Then the wizard cast some kind of shield spell, everyone else finished off the rest of the goblins, and through several attacks we figured out that whatever the shield was raised the wizard’s armor class to at least 25, meaning none of us had enough of an attack bonus to even land a hit. Then the wizard called off the ankheg, told us she already got the location of the mine from Gundren, and left.

Monster_Manual_5e_-_Ankheg_-_Devon_Cady-Lee_-_p21

We high-tailed it to Phandalin with Gundren, but without his map he couldn’t get to the mine, so we couldn’t do anything else for him for the time being. So we took our money and headed back to Neverwinter, where we saw a mysterious island out in the ocean that wasn’t there. Someone important offered land and a title to anyone who could figure out what was going on, so we found a ship and headed that way. We couldn’t afford passage normally, so we promised the captain 20% of any treasure we found if we survived. Along the way, we were attacked by pirates, and a battle full of swinging and cannons later, we all blacked out (again) and found ourselves scattered across an unfamiliar beach.


We were all torn about Levin, because on one hand nobody liked the character, but on the other, it sucks for your character to die because you couldn’t make it because you were busy peeing blood. Luckily, his player told us afterward that was planned, because he decided he didn’t like being a nature cleric, and wanted to help fix our screwed up party composition. That made us all feel significantly less conflicted. He’s planning on switching to a bard-barian he statted up between sessions zero and one, so he can play support and tank.

I also have to say that the DM did a pretty smooth job of transitioning us off of the starter module and onto his homebrew content. Having an NPC steal Gundren’s map so he couldn’t take us to the mine with him was a good way to tie off that plotline.

Session One – Goblin Giblets, Chaotic-Stupid Clerics, and a Daring DM

I said I would be back for session one, and so I am. You’re not going to be abandoned that easily!

I managed to catch (almost) everyone’s names this time, so that’s a step in the right direction. Our cast is:

  • Rhogar Norixius (me) – Dragonborn draconic sorceror who doesn’t realize that he’s magic because he assumes that all of his dragon blood abilities come from his dragon blood instead
  • Verbrork Cliffgaze (Cliff) – Human draconic sorceror who still doesn’t have a backstory beyond his dad sticking his dick in a dragon
  • Kithri Underbough – The female halfling rogue
  • Shadow Halfman – The male halfling rogue
  • Levin Bandageweaver – Half-elf nature cleric who is our only source of healing, which becomes important later
  • Asmund – A half-elf fighter, who was a new addition because we had someone join the group and needed someone capable of taking a hit (as much as anyone is at level one at least)

We picked up slightly before where the last session left off, last time we stopped on the road to Phandalin, this time we picked up just before we departed to introduce the new guy, the half-elf fighter Asmund. Introductions went pretty except for Levin, who stopped the game for about 15 minutes to interrogate Asmund’s player about his appearance.

“What color is he?”

“I dunno, pale I guess.”

“White pale or black pale?”

“Somewhere in between?”

Eventually he was satisfied, so we left for Phandalin. Along the way, we stopped a tinker named Ben Abernathy fix his broken wagon, which was strange because he offered to repay us by fixing stuff for us in the future. He also gave us a couple potions of healing, which immediately silenced those concerns.

Later down the road, we came across a couple dead horses, which we assumed to be a trap, and a letter addressed to our employer, Gundren Rockseeker, which confirmed it. Immediately after reading that, 4 goblins popped out of the woods and started shooting at us. The rogues both failed to hit anything, Asmund killed one, Rhogar killed one, one escaped, and we interrogated the last one for the location of our employer. Asmund found a Deck of Many Things on one of the bodies (there’s the daring DM part), which brought everything to a halt. Levin tried to persuade Asmund to let him draw a card, Shadow tried to steal it, much fun was had.

Eventually they gave up and we were able to get back off track and start looking for our boss. On the way, we found a goblin who fell into a pit trap. It turned out he was the one who fled from us earlier, and in his haste forgot about his own trap. Levin, Asmund, and Shadow brought things to a halt again to try to shoot the goblin in the dick with their crossbows. After a couple rounds of everyone missing, Cliff decided to finish off the goblin, but ended up getting hit by a couple missed shots instead. Eventually Asmund got bored and killed the goblin with his battleaxe. Shadow tried again and managed to steal the deck this time.

We finally got to the the cave the goblins are living in and there was a group of three guards outside. We engaged them, the first one went down, and Levin immediately went to loot the body, even though he was already engaged in combat with another goblin. I guess he really thought there was going to be another magic item in the very next fight. Goblin got an opportunity attack because of course, and he immediately went down. Two sessions out of two that our healer has gone down first entirely due to his own actions. But at least he got some beef jerky for his trouble.

At that point we decided to take a long rest, rather than blowing our healing resources on something that dumb. Nothing interrupts us in the night, so when we wake up we enter the goblin stronghold and immediately see 3 sleeping wolves. Rogues decide to sneak attack, fail to kill them, Kithri gets taken down by a critical, and everyone else kills the wolves, but not before they can let out a howl and raise the alarm. And that’s where the session ended.


Everyone got a chance to do something relevant to their class this time, so it already went better than the intro in session zero did. The new guy (Asmund) got to kick ass and take names, so he was pretty happy. The cleric got to go down early due to his own stupidity, so he was happy. Seriously, we need to kill off his cleric and make him roll a barbarian, since that’s how he wants to play.

First blog post

A couple years ago, I bought jaimerump.com and decided I was going to set up a Jekyll blog through github.io. It was a noble goal, and I like writing in Markdown, but the github.io themes don’t give you any navigation, and I didn’t feel like styling everything in Bootstrap just to have a working blog. Blogging wasn’t a high priority anyway, so I abandoned it just like most of my other pet projects.

Recently I thought about it again and realized that it would be trivial to set up a WordPress blog and point my domain to it. So here we are. I hate contributing to the fact that a quarter of the internet uses PHP, because PHP is a terrible language, but WordPress is just the path of least resistance.